The Smoke Eater For March 4, 2020

Just Biden time, down ballot races, and actual shenanigans.

Good day, this is The Smoke Eater for Wednesday, March 4, 2020, and I guess money can't buy love.

Quick Hit

* The top of the ticket * The bottom of the ticket * An actual rigged election.

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A Surprise, To Be Sure

Joe Biden surprised America last night when he snuck up behind Lady Liberty and gave her a big hug and kiss, winning nine out of 14 Super Tuesday states. Despite bellyaching from Bernie bots and the Twitterati over the last 12 hours, Vermont independent Sen. Bernie Sanders didn't walk away empty handed having won California, Colorado, Utah, and his home state of Vermont.

The Biden campaign says its strategy of using whatever cash it had left to target predominately black congressional districts helped save the campaign, but data (that's still coming in) suggests it was late-deciders who made the difference last night. Exit polls show that the Sanders investment in Latino voters seems to have payed off, but people under 30 failed to show up throughout the South and Midwest. This allowed Biden to dominate in every other demographic of traditionally reliable voters (African Americans, moderates, people over 40, college graduates, women, suburbanites). Some Sanders diehards still think they can win the nomination by talking shit on the internet, or by ditching microtargeting technology and simply reminding young people to vote (two things which clearly aren’t happening), but NPR's Domenico Montanaro suggests this may just be a sign there is a ceiling for Sanders.

Biden's victory speech was temporarily interrupted by anti-dairy protesters. The ensuing altercation lead to an awesome photo of Dr. Jill Biden stiff arming one protester from Patrick Fallon, and a great video of Symone Sanders, a senior advisor to Biden, tackling another at the waist. Symone Sanders later tweeted that she broke a nail. Vox explains the group, Direct Action Everywhere, has a history of using aggressive tactics to support their animal rights agenda. The group has annoyed multiple presidential candidates over several election cycles. The scene led a several prominent politicos to demand immediate Secret Service protection for the top 2020 candidates.

Nevertheless...

After spending $500 million, Bloomberg won American Samoa, netting him five delegates (and potentially more after California's mail-in ballots are counted). Calls to drop out began coming in last night, and this morning Bloomberg officially suspended his campaign and fell in line behind Joe Biden. I guess this is proof that the best ad wizards money can buy will get you far in America, almost to the top, but it can't get you everything.

After yet another brutal election night, Holly Otterbein and Alex Thompson write in Politico that Sen. Elizabeth Warren Warren's campaign may be on life support. Warren has lost every state so far, including her home state of Massachusetts, and though she's picked up a handful of delegates in several states -- including Maine (which is still too close to call) -- her massive campaign operation is in desperate need of a large cash infusion and big media buzz. Last night and this morning a torrent of shitposts from Bernie bots flooded social media, complaining about why she's persisting on forcing a brokered convention instead of joining the hivemind.

Down Ballot

Bridget Bowman writes in Roll Call that last night was particularly interesting for wonks and political fortune tellers as moderate incumbents seemed to fair better than their populist challengers in down ballot races. Most Republicans who were embraced by Trump fended off their more radical opponents, like Texas Rep. Kay Granger and former White House physician Ronny Jackson (AKA: "the candy man").

Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions survived an attempt to reboot his political career and will now face Tommy Tuberville, a Bible-thumping Trump nut still clinging to his sportsball glory days, in a run off for Sessions old Alabama Senate seat. Sessions days may be numbered, however, Trump has already started making thinly veiled attacks at Sessions.

Former Air Force helicopter pilot MJ Hegar is one of two Democrats who will move into a run-off to challenge against Republican Sen. John Cornyn. Votes were still being counted this morning, and it's unclear whom Hagar's opponent will be in the run-off. Hagar has been the odds-on favorite to win after she received the backing of the Democratic Senate Campaign Committee.

Democrat Cal Cunningham will face off against Republican Sen. Thom Tillis after defeating state Sen. Erica Smith. Considered a toss-up by political prognosticators, the race has been steeped in controversy after state Republicans were found to be supporting Smith through ad buys under the belief that she'd be an easier for Tillis to defeat. Smith sounded off to the Washington Post on Sunday, arguing the GOP ad buys were, "an attack, using dark money on the dark woman candidate," and claiming the DSCC's endorsement of Cunningham unfairly tipped the scales. Tillis is seen as one of the more vulnerable Senate Republicans, and the race is considered to be a toss-up by most political prognosticators.

The race to fill former Rep. Katie Hill's seat in California seems likely to produce a runoff between Democratic Assemblywoman Christy Smith and Republican defense contractor Mike Garcia. Additionally, Democratic Rep. Harley Rouda will head to a runoff against his deep pocketed Republican opponent, Orange County Supervisor Michelle Steel, while Democratic Rep. Gil Cisneros is poised for a contentious rematch with Republican Kim Young.

Shenanigans

The Texas Secretary of State announced that it had received complaints of "robocalls stating misinformation" about the primary election. A spox told local reporters that the people were being told that Republicans vote Tuesday, and Democrats and independents vote Wednesday. CNN writer Paul Murphy got a transcript of the call, and adds a second call from a Never Trump group was ringing voters and telling them the correct information.

Even though Los Angeles saw a 20 percent increase in turnout, voters suffered through a clusterfuck of long lines and technical errors thanks to the county's new election system. With 5.5 million voters, Los Angeles is is one of the largest voting blocs in the country. Some voters reported lines as long as three hours and confusion among poll workers. One person from Beverly Hills told the LA Times, "It was not unlike the Southern California experience of trying to get on Space Mountain at Disneyland on the Fourth of July."

One More Thing...

Republicans in New York canceled their presidential primary after nobody but Trump qualified to appear on the ballot.

OK, now here's a warm and fuzzy critter video: BABY GOATS IN SWEATERS!

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