Photo by Dominic Gwinn
Good evening, this is The Smoke Eater for Thursday, May 7, 2020, and raise your hooks out for Harambe!
Quick Hit
* A post-post office world * Keep telling yourself it's a recession * Raw dogging the poor * A Pentagon purge * SPACE FORCE! and video gaming for Uncle Sam * "It Stinks!"
NOTE: I have to make supply runs tomorrow, so I might not have enough time to put together a Friday edition of The Smoke Eater. Patreon subscribers should keep their eyes open for the fourth volume of the "Exercise in Boredom" photo series. The Smoker Eater is mobile friendly, ad-free and supported by its generous readers. If you want to be super awesome, tip me on Ko-Fi, or subscribe to my Patreon!
Post No New Bills
Yesterday I wrote about the effort to shutter the U.S. Postal Service. Shortly after publishing (and my regularly scheduled panic attack), a couple of updates began floating across the newswires. The good news is that Amazon -- for all their unethical treatment toward employees -- is leading a coalition of online retailers in an ad blitz targeting Republican legislators intended to save the Postal Service. The group will start running ads on conservative media that call the administration's proposed 400 percent rise in delivery charges a "massive package tax" on small businesses and pharmacies, according to the New York Times.
The bad news is that Louis DeJoy, a major donor in Trumpland has been tapped as the new postmaster general. The decision to tap someone willing to pay to play in government comes as the Postal Service continues negotiations with the Treasury Department over a $10 billion loan that was already passed by Congress as part of a previous coronavirus relief package. DeJoy's wife, Aldona Wos, is the president's nominee to serve as U.S. ambassador to Canada. She previously served as the U.S. ambassador to Estonia under Bush 43. Because the postmaster general doesn't have a specifically defined role, DeJoy would (in theory) have discretion to fiddle with any number of things.
Nobody say the "The D Word"
Even though the world recorded its highest daily number of infections in almost two weeks, many countries are very eager to begin slowly creeping outside. Germany, which has fared far better than most thanks to early and decisive action, is set to start reopening all businesses, though the federal government says it aims to keep a lid on any state that starts showing new rates of infection.
Over in the U.K., Prime Minister Boris Johnson is damn near ready wrap himself in a Union Jack and zip line into a pub. Key to Johnson's plan is the app that's been hacked together by Apple and Google, a request that people not share pens or pints, and reminders to wash your hands and carry on.
New economic data from the European Commission predicts the EU economy will shrink by 7.4 percent this year. The numbers suggest things are likely much worse than prolonged recession. Europe's trading partners, the U.S. and China (in that order) are still fighting their own battles with the coronavirus, and poorer countries in the south are getting bailed out by the European Central Bank to keep them from revolting (again). Wealthier countries are bitching about rescuing poorer countries who are only marginally solvent in the best of times (again), while poorer countries in the south argue the economic measures haven't gone far enough.
Across The Pond
In the U.S., Wall Street is soothing itself by buying the dip, but there's still at leastover 33 million unemployed people. Today the Department of Labor announced another 3.5 million jobless claims; some bean counters think this means the worst shocks of the coronavirus are over. Justin Lahart writes in the Wall Street Journal that the reported jobless claims still don't account for states with overwhelmed unemployment systems that simply can't process the flood of unemployment claims.
Worse yet, it's possible some small businesses go bust in the coming days, regardless of how many states decide to thumb their nose at science and pray to God(s). Some number crunches over at New York Times have stitched together infographics that show the rapid economic recovery some had hoped for is just not happening. According to the NYTimes, "Such data, combined with opinion polling today, suggests that Americans who were turning off the economy on their own may not readily reopen it soon — even if officials say it’s OK to."
So while hypocritical spray-tanned talking heads with no scientific background wag their chins about the benefits of herd immunity from the the safety of their home offices, there's a real concern the rush to reopen will create a second wave of infections. Naturally, this assumes we've actually weathered the first wave. Cellphone location data shows people have flocked to Georgia for mani pedis and haircuts over the last week, and since it takes about two weeks for COVID-19 symptoms to show...
With everyone losing their minds over the Justice Department dropping charges against former national security advisor Mike Flynn, or the trashing of trashing of "overly prescriptive" guidance from the CDC about reopening schools, bars and churches, it’s easy to skip some of the more wonky economic stories. For example: the administration is is slashing payouts in the small business bailout program. The Small Business Administration says it's been flooded with people begging for their piece of the disaster loan program. The Washington Post notes the changes come after prominent Republican Senators began lobbying the SBA to prioritize farms over main streets. Earlier today, a notice appeared on the SBA website saying just that.
The SBA's website says Economic Injury Disaster Loans are now only going to farmers.
BONUS: Many of the states attempting to stand their ground against the pandemic were in piss-poor financial shape before the coronavirus hit. Some are already considering massive cuts to Medicaid and other social services to offset the losses. Additionally, the administration and Congressional Republicans are complaining about a temporary increases in funding food stamp programs while people all over the country wait for hours in long lines at pop-up food banks.
BONUS: A new study from the Kansas State University shows the administration overpaid farmers screwed by Trump's trade war(s). Bloomberg writes that the study concludes the USDA, "based payment solely on projected sales losses in China and other nations engaged in tariff disputes without accounting for the inevitable rise in sales elsewhere as global trade flows adjusted." When the first round of payouts was considered inadequate, the USDA dumped even more money into bailouts, basing payouts on the best year of sales over the past decade.
In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Cringe
People in the Pentagon are worried that the administration is sending in a stooge to vet people for loyalty, Foreign Policy reports. Installing Michael Cutrone, a career CIA analyst and lackey for Vice President Mike Pence, is said to be one of several moves the administration is taking to oust career civil servants who don't have a brown (orange?) nose in the military's upper echelons. The Pentagon is playing dumb, but White House officials with loose lips say the idea is to sink anyone carrying water for people who've made Trump look like an idiot.
Roughly 24 hours after Netflix released the first trailer for its new satire about the Space Force (conveniently titled, "Space Force," and staring Steve Carrell) the DOD released a cringe-worthy promo for the actual Space Force. In a related story, the military's new recruitment strategy is luring kids into playing video games like "Call of Duty" and "Fortnite." The Army has been holding video game tournaments, the Navy launched an eSports team, and the Marines have ... a fitness app.
One More Thing...
The Critic was a 1994 animated series staring SNL alum Jon Lovitz as Jay Sherman, a cynical New York film critic. The show's creators once said the series was a "love letter" to the city; it often uses the city's movers shakers as punchlines. Like a time machine of popular culture from the early 1990s, Lovitz rips on movies and shows of the era with the catch phrase, "It stinks!" Sadly, the show only ran for two seasons before it was canceled, but you can still binge all 23 episodes on Crackle.
OK, here's a cute critter video: KITTY OBSTACLE COURSE!
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