The Smoke Eater For Wed., Sept. 23, 2020
A self-made crisis, sympathy for a pariah state, and wear mask.
Former President Barack Obama headlines a rally for Illinois gubernatorial candidate J.B. Pritzker, Nov. 4, 2018
Good afternoon, this is The Smoke Eater for Wednesday, September 23, 2020 and it's the good advice that you just didn't take.
Quick Hit
* "Participant state" * A foreign policy win * The cheering section * SPACE FORCE * Wear a fucking mask *
NOTE: I tried writing two of these on my phone, but they looked like turds.
About my disappearance last week: A friend was having an emergency and needed help. I dropped everything, put some cash together, and got on a plane I really didn't want to be on. It's not something I intend to discuss, but I will say that you should ask for help when you need it. You never know who will show up.
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A "No Smoking" Sign On Your Cigarette Break
Back in April, when people still gave a damn about COVID-19, Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps launched a satellite. Iranian officials made grunting noises and convoluted statements about a mission of peace and Iran becoming a "world power," the Israeli's tried to brush it off as no big deal, and U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo added his name to a press release that called the program, "neither peaceful nor entirely civilian," and demanded international sanctions. For some reason, Pompeo shaking with piss on his leg.
A few days later Pompeo was throwing a tantrum in Mahogany Row, insisting that even though the U.S. bailed on the 2015 Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) (AKA: The Iran nuclear deal) like a deadbeat dad, it was still a "participant state" for the purpose of invoking "snapback" sanctions. At the time, The New York Times reported that Trumpland's goal was to, "force Tehran to give up any pretense of preserving the Obama-era agreement. Only by shattering it, many senior administration officials say, will Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and President Hassan Rouhani be forced to negotiate an entirely new agreement more to Mr. Trump’s liking."
The assumption is/was that Trump wanted to rejoin the JCPOA (without giving credit to the Obama administration) in order to claim some kind of foreign policy achievement ahead of the November election.
The rest of the world rolled its eyes and balked at the assertion. Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif mocked the plan, saying that the administration was "dreaming," adding that Trump's "maximum pressure" policy had been an "abject failure."
At the same time, Iran was being rocked by COVID-19. Yasmin Rafiei and Devi Sridhar argued in Foreign Policy that the regime was actually exacerbating the pandemic by refusing to acknowledge the gravity of the situation to the state-press. Then Trumpland insisted on making Iran a pariah state by demanding more more sanctions and restrictions on medical supplies.
Fast forward to last week: Unable to really do anything substantial in the Middle East ahead of the election, Trump had to settle for Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates opening up diplomatic channels with Israel -- a line of communication that's existed in smoke filled rooms for years. They made a big stink about declaring peace in the Middle East, but nobody really noticed.
Isn't It Ironic
On Saturday, the U.S. decided to slap Iran with sanctions anyway. In announcing the sanctions, Pompeo declared the Trump administration was returning "virtually all previously terminated U.N. sanctions" that had been halted during the JCPOA.
The rest of the world seemed to think that is/was a stupid idea because Britain, France, and Germany told the U.N. Security Council and co-signed a letter the day before saying the sanctions "would be incapable of legal effect" because Trump yanked the U.S. out of the JCPOA in 2018.
Clearly incensed that a policy global of retrenchment and assholery has created a world where the U.S. is isolated, on Monday the administration announced more sanctions targeting people connected to Iran's nuclear and ballistic missile programs, as well as Venezuelan dictator, Nicolas Maduro. Coincidentally, Fareed Zakaria was speaking with Zarif at the Council on Foreign Relations at the same time Pompeo was doing his dance in front of the cameras. Zarif shrugged off the sanctions by saying Pompeo was putting on a “show,” and, "trying to gain some attention," then suggested the cheese stands alone.
In response to the rest of the world telling Trumpland to take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut, former Fox News talking head and current U.N. ambassador Kelly Craft said, "We don’t need a cheering section to validate our moral compass."
Life Has A Funny Way...
Deutsche Welle has reported that Trump is likely to scribble another executive order declaring nobody has the right to violate a UN arms embargo that expires Oct. 18. That arms embargo is part of the "snapback" provision in the JCPOA. In August, the Security Council dealt a rather embarrassing blow to Trumpland's efforts to extend the embargo, and U.N. Secretary General António Guterres has already told Pompeo the UN can't do anything unless the rest of the Security Council agrees. So, on October 18, it's entirely possible the Iranians are able to start buying fourth generation fighter jets from Russia.
In a weird, and not at all related coincidence, the first members of the U.S. Air SPACE Force were deployed to Saudi Arabia over the weekend.
One More Thing...
Wear a fucking mask
After a week in a largely abandoned amusement park deep inside the mountainous, anti-mask Bible Belt, I'm quarantined in my crappy Chicago apartment. Instead of chain smoking cigarettes and swapping summer trauma stories with a colleague, I'm staring at a computer screen. Rather than triple-checking my camera load-out for the next round of protests tonight, I'll be sitting in my window and staring down my alley.
Wear a fucking mask.
It's not that difficult. It's not as catastrophic as losing a shitty bar gig. It's not as stomach churning as explaining to a child why they can't go outside and make new friends. It's not as traumatizing as getting beaten by police. And it's not as hard waking up physically handicapped.
Wear a fucking mask.
OK, here's a cute critter video: IT'S PRINCE MICHAEL!
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